Apologies to the Grauniad for stealing their headline almost word for word. Cameron was asked what he would say to the American people if they asked “what kind of Conservative are you?”. He responded as such.

So, Dave, you believe that if a black PM were to come along in Britain, they would run it down the tubes? Do you similarly admit publicly that you admired Hitler? Of course, should we be surprised that David Cameron dreams of being a dictator?

Dave obviously also condones blatant and despicable sexual harrassment of women:
In one case, whilst on the set of Terminator 2 he approached a female crew member out of the blue, put his hands into her blouse and pulled her breasts out of her bra. An observer said: “I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. This woman’s nipples were exposed, and here’s Arnold and a few of his clones laughing.” The woman in question broke into tears and fled to a nearby trailer. See ‘Arnold the Barbarian”, an article by Premiere Magazine in March 2001, for more revelations, should you be able to stomach it.

…Anne Widdecombe better watch out.

And finally, a quote that I expect David Cameron to have endorsed and adopted from Arnie if he truly means what he says:

“I look down on people who are waiting, who are helpless.”

We know what you are David, and it won’t be long before the rest of the country does too.

Read all about it here.

Not that I want one, but it’s quite clear that a leadership contest is inevitable.

[UPDATE 14:11] And it seems I’m right.

Gordon Brown perhaps wasn’t really thinking when he decided to mention the petition on the PM’s website calling for a 2007 general election:

The number of people signing an online petition calling for a general election has leapt from 26 to 8,586 since Gordon Brown mentioned it on Wednesday.

So what are you waiting for? Go. Sign.

The home secretary addresses her cleavage; the papers give their verdict on Gordon Brown’s half-hour long bitchslapping in the commons yesterday; Electoral Calculus puts the Lib Dems on 0 seats in the next election; and Iain Dale publishes a list of the shadow cabinet media tarts. David Cameron was at the top, which of course was a shocker.

Also a worthwhile read at the Grauniad:
Labour hasn’t given us a coherent explanation for its sudden lurch away from its previous position - possibly because it can’t come up with one. And that is dangerous. When a party appears to abandon principle in a naked grab for electoral popularity, it raises fundamental questions: what are these people for; why should I trust them; is there any reason why I shouldn’t vote for someone else?

Still, it was quite amusing seeing Cameron get his own clothes stolen for once.

The Liberal Democrats’ only (from what TheyWorkForYou tells me anyway) homophobic MP has decided not to restand at the next general election. The MP for South East Cornwall had a majority of 6,507 in 2005.

Not that I’d usually mount a personal attack, but I quite like having liberals in the Lib Dems, and any person who cannot conceive the possibility of a stable gay couple adopting children who are in need of loving parents, or who believes that Section 28 was a good thing is most certainly not welcome in our party.

Colin, don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

Over the last two months the prospect of a leadership contest within the Liberal Democrats has been entirely unviable due to the risk of an imminent general election. But now the party has been given a window of time to reflect on their chances prior to the next election (it doesn’t need to be said that the timetable for a leadership contest could be squeezed into that window), will the mutterings become more than just that in favour of replacing Ming?

I think Ming is a great leader. In fact, watching Question Time from last Thursday reminded me of how warm and genuine he comes across in such a situation. Not merciless, just Ming.

So now he needs to show his “merciless” side (probably a bad choice of wording). He needs to show ferocity in the House of Commons, proving to the people of Britain that he is not only an effective alternative to Gordon Brown as a leader of these country; but just as important that he is an effective alternative to David Cameron as leader of the opposition.

This is a crucial point for Ming if he is to battle off the cries from those within the party who are either scared of our future with regards to the opinion polls, or the Huhneite supporters still pissed off that their guy didn’t get in and are more than happy to compromise our electoral standing in order to stab Ming in the back. We need to be a united party, and not confine ourselves to the divisive and destructive squabble that has plagued (and still does plague) the Tories over the past twenty years.

We are a liberal alternative: the real authentic thing. Let’s prove it. On to you Ming.

It seems I very much misunderestimated Brown’s reluctance to any form of risk to losing his new toy. Still, we responded before the Tories did; and it seems Cameron is now going to have to pretend to be a caring fluffy liberal for a bit longer.

But, no matter what political commentators say about this decision, it is not a short-term setback for Brown. His decision today was not merely an embarrassing pull-out, it was a clear signal that he is scared. This has turned the so-called “clunking fist” into a mere clawless paw. It has undermined not just the credibility of his government, but the strength of its resolve. Brown, by clinging to his most prized possession has put himself on a downward slippery slope.

Cameron may secretly be breathing a sigh of relief: he truly was not as ready as he said he was. But he must be wondering exactly how long the pack of Tories behind him will put up with him wearing yellow clothes. The Tebbits of the Tories have their knives sharpened.

Cameron has without a doubt clicked on to what the media like to feed on. His assertion that he would be speaking without a script was displayed shamelessly across the BBC news ticker, and very few people can deny that this was a daring approach that could have gone horribly wrong: if he hadn’t already learnt his speech of course.

Learning a speech gives you a freedom. Instead of worrying about what to say, how to say it without slipping on the semantic tight-rope, and making sure the content has a notable impact is certainly a huge pressure on any politician. If this speech has already been written, thought through, and practised, then the only thing left on the mind of a party leader is performance; and that, my friends, is without a doubt the easiest and most enjoyable part.

A few points, Mr Cameron:

You said that the tax system should reward couples that stay together and recognise marriage. I know of many single mothers who have stomped on any stereotype that they are simply benefit-grabbing chavs. They have shown through love for their child(ren) that nothing matters more than the careful upbringing and top-class education of their kids.

You said in your speech that the tax system gives an incentive for couples to split up. You suggest that married couples, who often are lucky to be in such a situation, get a raw deal for being so. Let me tell you this Mr Cameron: the only thing worse than a system that rewards people for splitting up is a system that takes one of our most valued commitment-based institutions and suggests people should use it as a proxy to retrieve more state funding. Your idea does nothing more than devalue the system of marriage, allowing people to wrongly take benefits simply by getting married under paper. In your own words: “God, we have got to be better than that.”

Your assertion to Gordon Brown that he is simply appealing through a seemingly transparent mask to the “4% of voters” in marginal constituencies shows the depths of your hypocrisy. Just over two years ago you authored the most stinging despicable right-wing manifesto seen this century, yet now you expect us to believe that you’re leading a party of “liberal conservatives”?

The day after polling day, Cameron will realise that people are sick of hearing the same old stories, and that they are sick of seeing the same old Tories.

When Gordon Brown came to power, we expected much the same of what people expected when they heard Daniel Craig was going to be the next Bond. James Bland then proceeded to shut up most of his critics with a particularly good performance. Like Craig, Brown cares very little about what people have said about him. He knows that if he makes the charge, opinion polls won’t matter: he will win.

I expect Brown to call the election by the end of this week and I expect him to win that election with a slightly reduced majority. David Cameron, as stated in the Guardian, will become the Tories’ Kinnock.

Of course, there are also wild rumours that a certain former home secretary has informed a certain Lib Dem frontbencher that Gordon is set to go to the polls on Thursday. Face value, maybe?

…and rumour has it Zac Goldsmith is so pissed off at George Osbourne’s glaring red “F” stamp on his “green” report that he is considering defecting to the Liberal Democrats. I guess when it comes to the crunch of a possible election, the tories care more about votes than they do about the planet. Vince Cable’s critique here.

In other news, Bloggerheads is back after Alisher Usmanov sent his winged beasts to scare the shit out of the hosting ISP. I’m sure Tim Ireland will be pursuing this glove-slap with the graceful ardour we usually see from him. Usmanov clearly doesn’t know who he’s fucking with.

So will he or won’t he? I expect to see the Prime Ministerial car making its way to Buckingham Palace tomorrow, but then again I’m not known for my fortune-telling abilities. Time will tell.